She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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