Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He did a backflip because drugs
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