I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
