where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
