just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize