Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
