Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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