my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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