Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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