He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
