Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
