I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
