hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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