no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
