An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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