so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
