just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
