Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
