I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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