I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Two words: blizzard sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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