upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
