I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
