If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
