jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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