Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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