distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
