I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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