somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
