This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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