Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
