so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
