Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm like, not good at living.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
