I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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