just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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