She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
