Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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