I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
