Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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