I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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