the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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