i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
