After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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