So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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