You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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