Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
