I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
