After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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