Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
