I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
