he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
