i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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