i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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