i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love having hate sex.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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