She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
