i just had sex bonerless
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
