I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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