I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
