I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
