I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
