she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
