Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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